with heavy heart

Sometimes, there are just no words. With a heavy heart I sit here wondering how to express the deeply personal and heartbreaking loss in my family yesterday. When you lose one of your own, particularly at a young (so, so very young) age, there are so many questions and levels of hurt. You attempt to speak a message of comfort to others also experiencing this hurt and your words seem to evade you, leaving you fumbling around to salvage a broken sentence or two. You stare at the blinking cursor on your screen; waiting for some semblance of raw truth to pour from you. It doesn't want to come. Grief is a funny thing that way; it fills you up so heavily at times that it almost leaves you drowning in the sentiments you can't seem to vocalize. When you have so much to say, sometimes there are just no words.

For now, as I make sense of our loss, I wish to make a request of you-- my wonderful and truly lovely readers.

I beg you;

Tell the ones you love that you love them. Tell them often. Speak on your urges of love; act on them. Be truthful. Never, ever shy away from expressing love. 

Reach out and touch someone. Allow yourself to be open to touch from others. Our spirits inhabit these physical bodies for a reason; touch is a beautiful gift that connects us while we are here on earth.

Reality becomes new in every moment. Recognize this. Cherish this.

Be playful. Life is not meant to be lived focusing solely on the serious.

The small stuff? The stressors? They don't matter. The things we fuss over, get angry or upset or annoyed with in our daily lives so often hold unnecessary power over us and our levels of happiness. They just...don't matter. Deep breath, move forward. They don't matter, OK?

Never, ever stop living each day to the fullest.

See through eyes of love. 

Give love. Be love.

Accept, embrace and celebrate love.

Know love.

Wake up each morning and give thanks for another day. For the miracle of living, breathing, existing. You get another day to love the ones you love. And if you're lucky enough to love someone who loves you, too? Wow. That is truly the magic of life.

Close your eyes each evening and give thanks for the gift of that day. Don't go to sleep angry. Find one thing, even if it seems small and insignificant, to be grateful for. You will be a better person for it.

Choose happiness. Yes--it is a *choice* in many, many ways.

Value your health. Please, please, please value your health. Eat right, exercise, be kind to your body--it is always working overtime to be a vessel for experiencing joy. Be grateful for this. It is often only in sickness that we see the power of a healthy state of being. Don't wait for that time. See the power *now*. 

And to my kind, sweet, special soul no longer here with us I just want to say:

In my version of Heaven you are free. Your body is strong, full. It no longer prevents you from racing, dancing, or playing the way your spirit was meant to. For this, I am happy for you. 

I love you. I miss you. One day, I'll see you again. 

Until then, I am grateful to have known you and shared our family together. 

Always,

Trish


ps- I will never eat beef jerky without thinking of you and I, snacking side by side on the sand, living the good life as kids at the Jersey Shore...and for the record, I can still spit like a guy--just as you taught me :)