 After posting this little piece on kindness, particularly during difficult times for others, a few folks reached out to ask about what, exactly, this type of kindness looks like. What does it really mean, include, entail? An excellent question, that I'm so glad you asked! Y'all are just so deliciously introspective and curious -- I'm the luckiest to have you here. So, my darlings, while I am certainly no expert, here's how I have learned to recognize true kindness in hard times: Kindness is taking a deep breath before responding to someone and their "news"; taking a deep breath before reacting to just about anyone, actually. A moment...a pause...to wash away impulses of judgement or fear. One deep breath can be just the ticket. In Buddhism, there is a beautiful practice called Tonglen. When at a loss for words or direction, a very compassionate act is to breathe in deeply, feeling a fiery, scratchy burn deep in your throat as you imagine absorbing all of the hurt for another. Then, as you exhale, imagine you feel a cooling breath; soft, calm and refreshing. Breathe in their pain, breathe out relief. It's a simple gesture that has a powerful influence on energies being exchanged; it's a simple gesture that works wonders on exercising kindness for yourself, as well. Kindness is striving for (as we say in coaching) "level 3 listening"; a listening that self manages, takes out the "me" thinking, and simply listens intuitively, with curiosity, and openness. Remember: there's not always a need for fixing (read: rarely a need for fixing), but always lots of need for holding safe space. Kindness is small gestures. A card, an email, a little treat to lift their spirits. No need to spend a lot of money--we live in a digital world that provides lots of free opportunities to pop up and say hello, I'm thinking of you, loving you, and sending you good thoughts. And because you will think of them, randomly, as our brains thrive on all things random, jump on that moment to connect. Don't wait until later, you know? Don't wait for the "perfect time", because that moment is the exact perfect time. And before you say it -- no, this is not awkward. Ever. You know what else is not awkward, even when it seems like it might be? Human touch. Kindness is human touch. A hug, a hand to hold. I often tell my friends, "FYI: I'm really into physical touch these days" before I rub their back or reach out to stroke their arm as they share with me, to help break the ice a bit. This will usually illicit a giggle, or a "you're so weird", but I just keep right on touching, and eventually it feels as natural as can be. We live in these annoying bubbles, afraid to make actual, physical contact with another person as a gesture of love or support or hey, I see you, hear you, and am here for you. Get out of the damn bubbles, I say. Reach out and touch someone, baby, even when it feels awkward as hell (you'll get over that, I promise). Kindness is reaching down into most humble and vulnerable places of our hearts, and offering up a bit of compassion....something we've all been naturally given, but sometimes forget to dust off every once and awhile. Kindness is showing up, despite having no idea what the "right thing" to say is. It's just showing up, and letting the other person just show up, too. Brene Brown has a beautiful message on this, and really the entire heart of empathetic kindness, here. Kindness can sometimes feel really hard. But it's worth practicing anyway, don't you think? What does kindness look like to you? Gratefully, Trish
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