not my problem

Dr. Pepper makes me burp the loudest. No joke!

A quick story for you:

Me: Good grief I just realized I'm super dehydrated, I need to chug some water...(reaches for a bottle of sparkling H2O)..

Coworker 1, laughing: Girl, if you chug that you are gonna have a huge burp!

Me: Haha I know, but I'm so thirsty and I like it better than flat!

...3 minutes later, I burp and coworker 1 and I full bellied crack up together.

Coworker 2, in front of the whole company, with a straight face: I can't decide what's more annoying--your burps or your laugh.

Ouch.

Like...super ouch.

OK. Let's shift my perspective for a second. I get it. It can be considered pretty icky when someone lets out a big ol' inappropriate burp and it certainly is a far cry from "lady like". Do I have to burp out loud? No, of course not. Does it hurt to hold it in? Yes, it actually does. Maybe I have some undiagnosed acid reflux issue I should get checked out; maybe I should excuse myself to the restroom every time I have to burp.

But, in my slight defense, I work in a predominately male industry and my burping skills have become a running joke in the office; I'm the tiniest here, but I can burp the loudest (unless you ask my boss, who is endearingly but incorrectly convinced he can beat me in a contest). The phenomenal young men I work with have become like family to me and if I thought even for a moment that I was truly offending someone I would cease and desist on the burp front immediately, no questions asked.  To be blunt--I would never, ever burp around guests or folks who weren't close to me. So I'm not hurt that he found my burp to be un-funny. If anything it's a lesson learned.

The part that actually really stung? His calling my laugh annoying, as if it were something I could control even if I wanted to.

I live to laugh and yes, I know my laughter is loud and slightly odd. But I also physically can't help it. It's just part of who I am. My laughter is an expression of joy that I feel inside--how could that ever be a negative thing?

A sweet friend and Grateful Lifer reached out to me yesterday with a question pertaining to how I deal with folks who unnecessarily push negative judgement on you and I think my response to her can be applied to my situation above as well. I told her:

"Something I've learned over the past few years is that people have a terrible habit of projecting their own insecurities in odd and hurtful ways and it is best to try and not take anything personally (I know I know--not the easiest!). At its core, negativity like you've experienced actually has nothing to do with you. I like to say that out loud: this has nothing to do with me. Phew! No need to carry that burden. Another persons judgements are their problems, not yours... It only matters that we are, just as you said, authentic and enjoying the journey. To me the haters are genuinely wasting their time. It matters most that someone like you can reach out to someone like me and we can make a connection. If I were a hot mama to be, that is what I'd want my child to take away from me--how many positive connections am I making? Am I continuing to be kind? Then I can close my eyes at night with peace in my heart."

The truth is that my coworkers judgements ...or anyone else's, for that matter...really are his problems, not mine. Mental mantra on repeat: It is not my problem he doesn't like my laugh. It doesn't define anything. It isn't my burden to bear; it isn't my job to convince him otherwise or change myself to fit his mold. If someone offers me a gesture of negativity like this I have every right and every powerful ability to decline it.

So, it looks like my burping days at work have come to an end. And that's really OK. I genuinely strive to make this a positive environment for everyone employed here and if that means taking my lady-likeness up a notch, then no worries.

But my laughing days?

Sorry, buddy.

Those have just gotten started.

So if you don't like it? I love ya, but you can put your noise canceling headphones back on while I continue to squeal, snort, giggle, no-sound-coming-out-but-defintiely-a-few-tears express my joy :)

In Gratitude,

Trish

---