in gratitude

It's all happening.

My girlfriend (or as I like to call her since we spend so much time together, my boyfriend) Drea and I enjoyed a glass of wine (or 3) on the roof deck this weekend. It was a beautiful Sunday afternoon of sunshine and easy company with a side of heart to heart conversation.  If there is one thing you should know about me, it's that I'm a sucker for a heart to heart over a bottle of wine...Or a couple of beers...Margaritas work well, too. I'm not particularly picky. After I expressed concern over my habit of sometimes jumping 100% into things for fear that *not* giving something (or someone) my all right from the start would result in my quickly losing said someone she replied with a thought that resonated with me. 

"When I was little and used to dance, my ballet teacher would tell us at the barre to 'point our toe in the puddle' to get the correct posture and form. Sometimes when I'm approaching a new scenario or relationship, I think of that. Like it's OK...appropriate, even... for me to dip my toe in first to test the water."

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She also reminded me of a very important fact: I'm already leading a fabulous, wonderful, compelling life.  I am genuinely very happy in the now. Anything or anyone that may enter from this point forward is either going to fit and add to my wonderful life...that I've created for myself, which is a key element...or they're not. Then we move forward. We keep living our lives for ourselves and the people we love and cherish. It's as simple as that.

So, as it is with all things "life", I think it's a balancing act. Point my toe in the puddle. But be authentic and open. Be adventurous and as much of a "yes!" woman as possible, but also reserve the right to test the waters before plunging in head first. I have always been one to lead with my heart and I'm not ashamed of that; it's who I really am. But the most important thing to remember is to not lose yourself in the darkness. Be grateful for the chance--be grateful for all chances--and then be grateful for whatever outcome was meant to be.  Express this gratitude whenever possible, too. Holding it in prevents those energies from taking true flight. Who cares if people think you're a little nutty for saying "thank you!" so often? Let's be serious--I want people to like me. But I don't mind if they don't.

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I know I've really been living my life the way it's meant to be lived lately. That may sound silly, but I feel compelled to put it out there. I get reminders and encouragement all the time from friends, family, the Universe. I get reminders in the form of meeting really rad new people, being exposed to new and exciting things, having a plethora of adventure surrounding me, in emails and kind words.  Just last week a sweet friend emailed about a great trip to Hawaii she was on;

"Also, I couldn't help but think of you many times this week. This has been like the best vacation ever. Brendan and I have been commenting on how lucky we are to be able to have these experiences. I have honed in on my inner Trish and have been nothing but grateful for this lovely week we've had together!"

This just about burst my heart wide open. I am so humbled and thrilled to know someone was not only feeling so grateful and present in their life but that I may have helped to influence that. Wow. Life. Just...wow.

And in true best friend fashion, my Aubs posted this quote on my Facebook wall a few days ago:

“Life will break you. Nobody can protect you from that, and living alone won’t either, for solitude will also break you with its yearning. You have to love. You have to feel. It is the reason you are here on earth. You are here to risk your heart. You are here to be swallowed up. And when it happens that you are broken, or betrayed, or left, or hurt, or death brushes near, let yourself sit by an apple tree and listen to the apples falling all around you in heaps, wasting their sweetness. Tell yourself you tasted as many as you could.”
— Louise Erdrich

It really, truly, genuinely is happening. All around me beautiful friends remind me of this daily. I'm tasting as much of life as I can and that is enough to help me sleep soundly at night.

Yoda puppy says we are going to be just fine.

In Gratitude, always.

-Trish

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