how to be alone

My sweet and darling best friend (Aubs, did you realize this September we will have been friends for 17 years?! AHH! Major best friend anniversary celebration is needed, I think.) sent me the following awesome video yesterday before she posted it on her blog, which you can check out here. Like any true soul-mate bestie she sent it at the most perfect time, as the night before I had been mulling over some thoughts on loneliness while lying in bed reading before sleep. This poem-brought-to-life is a beautiful reminder to me that this chapter in my life can be used to great advantage; I can choose (because I am oh so blessed with the power of choice) to find peace and calm in the quiet moments with myself. I can choose to be a friend to me. I can choose to enjoy my own company while trying new things, meeting new people, exploring, adventuring. I am free to sing and dance and play and create if for no other reason than it feels good in my soul. I am simply free. I can even, and bear with me on the cheese factor of this thought, choose to be romantic with myself. I can buy myself fresh flowers, fill my home with colors and scents and photographs I love and that make me feel happy. I can make my apartment a sanctuary of peace, joy and love. I can take this time alone to continue building a foundation of authenticity to who I am and what I desire out of life; to build a foundation of trust that my inner self knows exactly the right path, if I have the courage to listen to her.

In my wellness coaching session yesterday I was reminded of a saying I once heard a few years ago that stuck with me; there aren't many true "I can't" 's in this world,   mostly just "I am unwilling to try" 's. Think about that for a second. How many times do we let fear or timing or insecurities or financial situations tell us that we can't do something...when really we are just unwilling to try? Part of being alone, for me, is pushing aside "I can't" and giving my all to be willing to try. Failures only define us if we let them and I for one don't see the sense in that.

I also came to the realization that each of us builds our lives as if standing on a foundation; a platform of sorts. We build it up with pieces from a multitude of sources; family, friends, love, work, spirituality, location, health, etc.  All of these things fit together like quirky little puzzle pieces to form life as we know it.  If I'm honest with myself, my foundation, my platform, was most often built with the opinions of others; with pieces of validation I felt or craved from the outside. The approval. The acceptance. The means of defining worth.  So much of my foundation was designed by anyone but me. Which means, of course, it was designed to inevitably fall. As hearts were broken, relationships ended, disappointments or failures were met I would find my whole foundation crumbling. My whole being felt as if it was plummeting into the abyss. It felt serious, consuming and painful.

Our foundations will take hits throughout our lives. Pieces will be added and removed continuously as we grow and change, evolve and adapt. But what I'm learning is that if I build the majority of my platform from an inner source of love and acceptance then it will be...well...strong. It will be secure. It will be safe.  Sure, there will be times when it shakes a bit--when I feel a tad unsteady on my feet.  But I know that it can most easily withstand any and all blows tossed its way if I take this time alone to reinforce it with the unfailing beams of love, faith, gratitude and kindness.

So thanks, Aubs, for reminding me that being alone does not have to be scary. By trusting the process and making the most of my time alone I know there is much beauty to manifest.  And thanks also for reminding me that we are never actually alone, so long as we continue to give out love and let it come in (in big and small and in between ways); that this ol' world and the folks who inhabit it are deeply connected.

“Lonely is a freedom that breathes easy and weightless, and lonely is healing if you make it.”

Love and Light,

Trish