you are safe here

Dear Ones,

I recently read that the reason why hearing birdsong and the buzz of insects is so good for our nervous systems is because it signals to our bodies that we are safe. That there is no "threat" nearby, as these creatures tend to go silent when predators or forces that may cause harm are sensed.

And while I don't sit on my deck waiting for the warning signs of physical danger from nature (I mean sure, let a gal know if a bear stumbles into the yard, but more-so because I need to grab my camera than to activate fight or flight mode…and also I just laughed out loud typing “fight” as a plausible response for me meeting a bear), I do know what it's like to live life in a state of constant hyper vigilance. I know what it’s like to lose trust in others, in truth, and then in self; to walk untethered on the proverbial eggshells, trying to stay ahead of the next possible hurt.

I know what that does to a person, body, mind and soul.

I know what it’s like to feel as though you’re making progress towards steady ground, only to be looped back in to familiar hurts. I recently discovered, through my daughter’s accidental sharing, that the kids have been having playdates with their dad’s new girlfriend and her children, despite a (legal) custody stipulation that states we agree to suspend introducing them to a significant other until after one year of dating. A stipulation that was included after weeks of painstaking research on my end, into what’s best for young children when it comes to new relationships after divorce. Yet due to the he said/she said nature of these things, despite any legalities at play, there’s basically nothing I can do about it.

This kind of loss of control is not something I’d wish on anyone, because instantly, nothing feels safe. Being gaslit is truly its own particular brand of hell. The flaring of one’s nervous system in regard to wanting to protect our children, including from unnecessary “grown up stuff”, is one that probably burns most within me. And it’s the one that cuts the deepest, and paralyzes me the longest. It’s the bear stumbling into my yard; it’s the threat that continues to offer me AFGO (another fucking growth opportunity) and honestly, I’d like to formally request on behalf of all of us: can we just throttle back on the AFGO’s for a while?

So, as part of my forever healing process, I try to maximize my quiet time in nature. It’s been a go-to tool in the past few years. This, with the comforting addition of my soul’s familiar (ahem, miss Ivy girl and her silky soft coat), some early morning sunshine-produced vitamin d, and the caffeine that threatens to undo it all but oh how I love it….is true medicine. It’s the literal OG “pill” for the nervous system, without any known negative side effects.

This kind of medicine is what I try to cultivate with my coaching clients, too. This is the energy I aim to establish in the space of our conversations, regardless of the topic at hand. One that says, above all else, you are safe here. You are safe with me.

Because I know what that does *for* a person, body, mind and soul. I know how this can help carry us onward, beyond fight or flight, back to a nervous system lulled by the reassurance of birdsong.

We all deserve this.

grace & peace,

trish